In case you haven’t heard yet Nancy Pelosi became the first female Speaker of the House. In my heart of hearts I know this means something significant but I don’t know how to quantify it so I’ll just jump on the bandwagon that the Media is currently driving and just say that this is the most significant American event since women were allowed to vote. And while I don’t know what else to say on the matter, here are some random thoughts I’ve had about politics over the last couple weeks or so…
— It’s sad when former Presidents die; we should really do something about this like OK’ing stem cell research or cell mutation research to ensure that they never die. They could live to be 400 years old and teach future generations all sorts of life lessons and such about history and how it always repeats itself.
— I think our nation’s capital should operate on the same basis as how free agency works in sports wherein cities would try to outbid one another for the right to be called “Our Nation’s Capital”. Washington, D.C. is nice and all but I’d really like to see a place like Oklahoma City make a bid and force all of the politicians to reside in a state that is ripe with tornadoes. They could even market this as like the “political Olympics.” Who would be against this?
— Following in the sports analogy theme, I think states should be able waive or trade politicians or place them on a makeshift version of the Injured Reserve system. Got a senator who’s just brutal at balancing your state’s budget? Try brokering a trade with another state and if you’re not seeing a good market deal with the trade you waive them. The Injured Reserve system could be used for a politician who’s got a drug problem or sexual harrassment problem; you wouldn’t be waiving them, they’re just sidelined until they get their shit together.
— We should embrace the corporate world that we live in and allow states to accept naming rights deals. Imagine driving to a state and the welcome sign says, “Welcome to Ohio, brought to you by Circuit City.” In this example, everyone living in Ohio would get better coupons than everyone else for Circuit City. Everybody wins.
— Televised political debates have become too banal and predictable. A format akin to high school “Battle of the Bands” is needed here in that not only would the candidates be debating but before and after the debate a band from each candidate’s county, district, or state would also compete and help undecided voters lives a little easier in choosing a candidate. Undecided Voter: “Well, I don’t agree with the incumbent’s plan for fiscal relief especially within the domain of tax shelters for corporations who subsidize profits to shell companies outside the U.S. jurisdiction. That said, the Flaming Lips completely swayed me to vote for him.”
— Finally, let’s just stop all of the discussion right now about whether or not Hillary Clinton will run for President in ’08. Do we really want this? Honestly, who wants a President who will polarize the nation before she even makes an official response to running? Give Bush some credit, at least he didn’t polarize us into well into Year 3. Can you already picture the awkward interviews about how Bill Clinton will be in the White House again and all of that residual crap? Honestly, who thinks this a good idea? Also, we can’t have a woman President because when women menstruate they attract bears. BEARS! She’ll be putting the whole station at risk…