Brett Favre Michael Vick Terrell Owens, Owens Vick OchocincoFavre Brett Vick. Michael Vick T.O. BrettFavre? Brett Favre Mike Vick Minnesota Bills T.O. Buffalo Vikings BrettFavre Favre. Tom Brady Vick T.O. Brett Favre. Favre. Brett. Brett T.O. Bills Owens. Favre. Mike Vick Mark Sanchez Jay Cutler Favre. Cutler Owens Ochocinco Vikings Favre. Favre Vick T.O.? Favre. Michael Vick Chad Ochocinco Wildcat Mark Sanchez TerrellOwens.
Needless to say, this past NFL offseason has been brutal in terms of how it was reported. I mean, I am surprised that the above paragraph didn’t get regurgitated word-for-word on live television by an overworked and robotic John Clayton or Mike Greenberg. I mean, there’s beating a dead horse and then there’s killing the horse, having sex with it, burying it, exhuming it, having sex with it again, setting it on fire, digging a new hole for the ashes, burying it, and exhuming it again so that we can all see if all of the ashes are in fact there in the hole. I mean, for the love of God! Brett Favre… again?! Terrell Owens… again?! Michael Vick… again?! Mark Sanchez being declared “for real” before taking any pro snaps? Will Tom Brady be “the same Tom Brady”? Chad Johnson changes his last name to Ochocinco? Denver fans unhappy with Jay Cutler and vice versa? This is news?
No, a thousand times no, it is not news.
To me, the real news is Steve Spagnuolo becoming the head coach of the Rams (if he turns that team around before the CBA is signed—espcecially if they were to become a top-5 defense—it might mean that guys like Billick, Shanahan, and Holmgren may not be able to come out of their “retirements” as quickly as they hoped); whether or not the Chargers will implode (they barely made the playoffs last year and they are seemingly everyone’s sexy pick for the Super Bowl this year, and the concensus sexy picks are almost always wrong—oh, and Norv “I Can’t Believe My Reputation As The Cowboys Offensive Coordinator In 1992 Still Enables Me To Get Head Coaching Jobs” Turner is still their coach); whether or not the Falcons (who have never had back-to-back winning seasons) can actually put together another good season now that they won’t surprise anyone; will the drafting of LT Michael Oher give the Ravens offensive line the same stability Jonathan Ogden did; how if the Patriots, Colts, or the Steelers don’t win the Super Bowl this year they are all likely headed towards a stretch of mediocrity. Those things are interesting and worthy of discussion.
Over the next few weeks I am going to post separate AFC and NFC previews for the upcoming season, complete with predictions. I will most certainly be wrong on the predictions front, but getting predictions right is not my aim. My aim will be to provide a team-by-team analysis that you won’t hear or read about from ESPN or Fox or CBS or NBC. (Okay, you might see some of the things in Gregg Easterbrook’s TMQ column on espn.com–we seem to think the same way.) Some of the teams’ analysis will be short and caustic while others will be more objective. What can I say? The teams that suck don’t deserve a lot of objective insight. If I were a Raiders or Browns fan, I would be disgusted by my team’s front office over the last six years.
So, what will the team-by-team analysis here have to offer that you most likely won’t find on the big sites and networks? Common sense. That is all I can promise you.
You will not find any hyperbolic rantings on the God-like Saviour that is Mark Sanchez, the impact that T.O. will make on the Bills, or the setbacks that the Vikings incurred be trying to woo the future Hall Of Fame quarterback Brett Favre (he of the many-repeated instances in the regurgitation up at the top of this post). What you will get will be nothing more than what I believe to be the truth. Such as: if Steve Hutchinson gets hurt, you will see how completely average Adrian Peterson is as a running back (and if you don’t believe me, call Shaun Alexander and ask him how much fun it was to run without him for a year).
And then after you make that phone call, be sure to call Michael Vick for me too. I just have to know if the Packers have really shown any interest in him.